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Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton very well just might be the first F president. I left out the emale because someone deleted them."

"This guy's all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"Dad joke for my birthday I just opened my birthday card from my Dad... ""How time has flown, it only seems like 12 months since your last birthday"""

"I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent... twisted... gyrated... jumped up and down... and perspired for a half an hour. But by thetime I got my tights on.... the class was over!"

"What woman say right before they kill you: Wow. Fine. Whatever. No problem. I'm not mad. Nothing's wrong. Sure, stay friends with your ex."

"One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none. They would just beat the room because it was black."

"Masturbation in the Mafia is called 'Offing Jack.'"

"What's great when you're at work, and terrible when you're in bed? Getting off early"

"My SO told me she had never heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity before today. I said, ""It's about time!"""