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Joke of the Day

"My Wife does this cute thing where she says that ""actions speak louder than words"" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding."

"Got late on my first day at work, blamed it on Rush Hour. Got late on the 2nd day, Blamed it on Rush Hour 2"

"Faberge's Eggs Hey, wife! I've bought the Faberge's eggs. Both..."

"Bruce Willis in Starbucks. he gives his name as ""not Bruce Willis"" and when they call him he grabs his coffee and runs away giggling"

"Eve: Wrong hole! Adam: Sorry, it's my first time. How do U know it's the wrong hole? No one has done this before, it's just us two you know"

"I'm gonna vote for Trump at elections... Cuz I a'int ever seen a president assassinated"

"Sorry I conned your kid out of their Chuck E Cheese tickets. Maybe try not raising a sucker. Now excuse me, I have a sweet toy to play with."

"I've been reading a book about anti-gravity. Man, I just can't put this thing down."

"What do you call a naked skateboarder? A scab."

"Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don't use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh."