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Joke of the Day

"I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid."

"If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me."

"What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be ""Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division""."

"Where does Vladimir keep his shit? In his poo tin"

"What's the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1000 people."

"Whats more bruised than an old apple? My asshole after a night with Caitlyn Jenner"

"English: i before e, except after c. Science: Ummmm, No."

"How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? When she can fit into your wife's clothes"

"Sleeping in could easily be my superpower. If not for my arch-nemesis, having to pee."

"I would suggest that Brazil build a bridge and get over it... but given their record...."