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Joke of the Day

"Interview: ""What is your biggest weakness"" Guy: ""Honesty"" Interviewer: ""I don't believe honesty is a weakness"" Guy: ""I don't give a f*** about what you believe"""

"On this day in 1947 Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier, whereas Obama did nothing for America in ALL of 1947."

"""How much would you say you read the Bible?"" ""Well, I don't read it religiously."" Bud-dum tss, I hate myself."

"[rap battle] *drops the mic* *scrambles around trying to pick up the mic* [20min earlier] *other guy covering my mic in butter*"

"When Donald Trump talks about wanting to help 'the little guy' -- -- he means he needs a prescription for viagra."

"Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion."

"My uncle the rabbi only tips 10% And a I mean always! He does that shit religiously!"

"""International Women's Day......Cause it's not like you want attention on any other day..."""

"""Talk to me, Goose,"" Tom Cruise crackled over the radio. ""Squawk."" Goose replied before nose diving into the ground causing untold amounts of destruction, because geese can not operate aircraft."

"They say you are what you eat I guess that makes me a human"