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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me I should go to the gym with her to get in shape, but I suggested I just start with skipping. So far I've skipped the gym three times this week and I feel great."

"If you're a guy who owns pantyhose, you're either a thief or sexually questionable. Either way, I don't trust you behind my back."

"5 scientists out of 6 say that russian roulette is safe"

"I HATE PEOPLE!! but i love women"

"Teacher: Didn't you know the bell had gone? Fred: I didn't take it Miss."

"My favorite part of going out on the weekend is the 95% of it spent checking my phone."

"Knock knock... Who's there? Huey Huey who? I'm me, who are you"

"Your Mother is like Communism... Shared by everyone."

"""Only God can judge me"" People who've never been to Whole Foods."

"If Yoko Ono gave you herpes... Would that be strawberry fields forever?"