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Joke of the Day

"Fortune tellers I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?"

"My marriage counselor asked me to think of something me and my wife have in common.... I said, ""Well, we both refuse to suck dick."""

"My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend... His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs."

"God invented co-workers to remind us that dying alone wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"What did one dead American cop say to the other dead American cop? Waaazzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppppp."

"Some mornings I just want to brew the coffee directly into my mouth."

"For all the effort I put into faking it, I should really just start writing down the confirmation number at the end of a phone call."

"Atheism just made less sense to me once I saw my neighbor Karen's tits."

"AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise."

"You know, not all Italians are in the mafia. Some are in the Witness Protection Program."