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Joke of the Day

"Cop lights should be called sex lights because every time you see them someone is getting fucked"

"Her: Give me a chat up line? Me: Uh ok, are you a zookeeper? Her: *laughs* Because I'm so captivating? Me: No, you smell like an animal."

"Why do Jews have big noses? Because the air is free :)"

"Capitalization is important. NSFW Capitalization is the difference between ""I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse."" and ""I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."""

"Why did the duck get arrested? because he was smoking quack!"

"Have you been injured in a car accident? call 555-bottom-feeders. We will do anything for money."

"Signs a Woman Likes You: 1. Eye contact 2. Twirls her hair 3. Laughs at your jokes 4. Follows you 5. Keys your car 6. Kills you"

"There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove."

"I got my sister a T-shirt and a dildo... That way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself."

"I'm pretty sick right now. You could say I'm feeling like Charles Lindbergh... Because I got the flu"