162928

Joke of the Day

"To my followers in Florida in the path of the hurricane: Remember to keep your phone charged. These tweets don't ""like"" themselves."

"Will I become attractive if I swallow magnets?"

"Your mama's so ugly people discriminate against her for it and she has no legal recourse."

"The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, ""I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."" ""Thank you very much, sir."""

"If I were a rapper I'd go by the name of lay-Z. Wouldn't release a single track."

"""At least you're going to get a lot of material out of this,"" is comedian-speak for, ""Sorry about your life, dude."""

"Ricky Gervais has sold the rights to do an 'adult' adaptation of 'The Office' to Vivid Picture. It will be called 'The Orifice'."

"If you are skydiving and your parachute doesn't open, don't worry You've got the rest of your life to fix it."

"I would pay 5$ to see my girlfriend naked on the street I don't have a girlfriend, 5$ would be a good bargain"

"So I told my friend a joke about embroidery the other day... and the punchline had him in stitches!"