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Joke of the Day

"guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!"

"Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers? They have short tales!"

"What to you call epileptic lettuce? Seizure salad."

"What happens when you mix Jared from Subway and Bill Cosby? I don't know; It was too long ago, and I can't remember."

"What do you say when you cross a donkey and a deer? Dat ass doe"

"Man walks into a bar and asks, ""Can I have a Colt 45?"" ""Sorry Sir,"" comes the reply ""We have sold out"". ""OK, no problem, can I have a Luger and Lime instead?"""

"Why did the chicken say, ""In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit...""? Because the chicken crossed the road."

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish using my voice to just sing in the car instead of saving the music industry."

"Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog ""NO!"" and then more quietly, ""We talked about this!"""

"PAROLE BOARD: And what would you do if released? ME: Crimes. PB: Excuse me? ME: *leans into mic* RHYMES. I'M SUPER INTO POETRY NOW."