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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate when you're at the mall and there's a kid that just won't shut up. You're like, ""SHHH!"" And he's all, ""STRANGER! DANGER!"

"You know what's really great about being a narcissist? Me."

"I tried to grab some fog. I mist."

"Its been so long since I've had sex, my next time can't possibly be bad. For my partner, however, its guaranteed."

"if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase ""damn they gotta get him the ball."" everyone will agree"

"The guy no one likes walked into a bar and said ""You lost The Game."""

"There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman before marriage & after marriage"

"What happens to a laffy taffy joke in the rain? It makes me laugh a little bit, in the rain."

"So hard to hurt a vampire's feelings because you can't say ""how do you sleep at night?"" or ""how do you look at yourself in the mirror?"""

"Women shouldn't have to be in prison for more than a month. Because their period should be the end of their sentence."