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Joke of the Day

"Don't you hate when you're at the mall and there's a kid that just won't shut up. You're like, ""SHHH!"" And he's all, ""STRANGER! DANGER!"

"Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition? Ah yes; wax would go well with this cake and you know what else? Child spit."

"Have you ever eaten an eyeball? Neither have I."

"A ghost walks into a theater and goes to the concession stand But he gets turned away because they don't serve spirits"

"Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered."

"I know I shouldn't, but I treat blacks and whites the same Speed Wash cycle."

"You know, Christmas is a lot like anal... Everyone always says it is better to give than to receive, but when you do you inevitably get shit in return."

"How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan."

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision."

"Where do porn actresses wait for their turn in a baseball themed orgy? The on-dick circle of course."