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Joke of the Day
"In hindsight, we shouldn't have given the cat her own checking account."
Next Joke
"Noticed something between my grandma's boobs today. Her belly button."
"So a bar walks into a guy 's asshole and the guy is like ""Fuck ouch dammit my prostate!"""
"Just saw a homeless guy fall asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Which probably explains why he's homeless."
"They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart."
"[takes a nap] ok i like the concept [sleeps for a long time] alright alright im diggin it [dies] oh hell yea baby that's the stuff"
"Republicans & Democrats are like divorced parents who care more about getting the kids to hate the other one than they are their well-being."
"I'm fairly certain that most of us are one full gas tank away from bankruptcy."
"Are you a geologist? You can analyse my rocks anytime ;)"
"Kid just asked ""why is it called 'flipping the bird'? Why not turtle? Flipping the Turtle."" I can't even answer that bc WHY NOT TURTLE?!"