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Joke of the Day

"Kid just asked ""why is it called 'flipping the bird'? Why not turtle? Flipping the Turtle."" I can't even answer that bc WHY NOT TURTLE?!"

"My baby said it's first words today Her words were ""who are you?"""

"Canadian spelling is different from American spelling For example they spell the days of the week as Mondeh, Tuesdeh, Wednesdeh..."

"The abortion train just arrived at the station. ALL ABORT! *choo choo*"

"Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am...Can you believe that, 2:30am!? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes"

"Why do Butchers don't risk it all in life? Because the Steaks are too high."

"You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers."

"Does the world really need another rhetorical question?"

"Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms? Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance."