161286

Joke of the Day

"Santa Claus uses foreign elves to make his toys. It's time to bring those jobs back to America. Huge tariffs coming to the North Pole!"

"They should make a medal for anyone who uses a whole tube of chapstick before losing it."

"Venice, Italy What do you get from a frisky, naked old Venetian man who can't get it up and has difficulty walking? Canal."

"My friends swore I was dating a witch I now know she's more of a cunt."

"I hate when someone texts me cause then I can't post anything on the internet or they'll know I'm ignoring them."

"Flappy bird is like the new angry bird except this time I am the angry one."

"Know what a 6.9 is? Another good thing screwed over by a period"

"I got a $100 bill tattood on my penis, if the wife wants to blow $100 she doesn't even need to leave the house."

"How do you get people to quit smoking? Cut off their lips"

"After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow. I also taught it to say, ""Dave, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"""