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Joke of the Day

"I just saw this advert and the lady said allergies cause you to avoid the things you love. That explains why I never get laid."

"When someone invites me to their house and I see more than 2 cars parked outside it I keep driving just in case it's an intervention for me"

"Word. ~ Microsoft."

"Hey all Hot Girls. I'm starting to think that all your phone numbers don't start with a 555-"

"What if animals were injured in the making of a film. would it say ''Tim hurt one monkey... he feels bad."""

"When my wife asked me to stop being a flamingo.. I had to put my foot down"

"How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it"

"Thinking that you're on speaking terms with God is like finding out you've been playing both parts in an episode of ""Catfish"""

"What is the difference between Emo teenagers and your lawn? Your lawn won't cut itself."

"how to be a good DJ? press ""PLAY"" and don't touch anything ever again"