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Joke of the Day

"Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics...you know, just like a real spider."

"Sex is like air; its not important unless you arent getting any."

"Woke up last night and the ghost of Gloria Gaynor was standing over my bed. At first I was afraid, i was petrified."

"My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like: ""Be kind to others, Evil Lisa"""

"What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this!"

"I have learned to accept that my parents are ""Santa,"" but I still have no idea how they get to all those other houses."

"What has 4 legs and an arm? A happy pit bull."

"Damn girl, you remind me of my mother! /* indistinguishable sobs *"

"What's E.T. short for? Because he's got tiny legs."

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"