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Joke of the Day

"Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016"

"[using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... ""what the hell?"" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]"

"We should teach North Korea a lesson and send them James Franco."

"I swallowed a piece of Lego the other day I was shitting bricks."

"That whole ""letting go"" of your ex is always more satisfying when they're dangling over an abyss."

"So many haunted ""mansions."" Sad how this country is killing the middle class ghost."

"Even the worst hangover wears off by 5:00. Coincidence? I think not."

"Say what you want about pedophiles At least they drive slowly near schools"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea."

"2 peanuts are walking in the park. One is assaulted."