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Joke of the Day

"""I ~don't own~ a TV."" *Binge-views 8 hours of Netflix in bed.*"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never paid to have lentil on me."

"I guess you could say One Direction went two directions. I'll see myself out."

"Old people poke me at weddings and tell me ""your next"" So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals"

"Well, I just had this Epiphany, but I'm a little worried ... I think she might be underage."

"I think I figured out why Al Gore thought he invented the internet. He just misheard the word ""algorithm"""

"TIL Albert Einstein married his cousin. That's how he discovered the theory of relativity"

"Why was Hitler better than Jesus? Jesus may have fed 5,000 people with 5 loaves of bread ad 2 fish, but Hitler made 6 million Jews toast."

"What's a golf club's favorite type of music? Swing!"

"Columbia is the new Miss Universe"