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Joke of the Day

"So prince is dead... Which means that half-way through the embalming process, he'll be a half-blood prince."

"FREE IPAD FOR ANSWERING A SIMPLE SURVEY. 1) WHERE DO YOU LIVE? 2) DO YOU OWN WEAPONS? 3) WHEN ARE YOU MOST VULNERABLE? #NIGHTOFTHEFREEIPAD"

"Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids."

"Why is the sea salty? Because the land does not wave back."

"NSFW - What's the worst thing to hear.... What's the *worst* thing to hear after blowing Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"The grass is always greener When its not my weed"

"My shiny watch has had a peaceful life... ...it's always had the time to reflect upon itself."

"My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea."

"[boys at work talking sports] Them: what's your favorite sport Me: yeah"

"My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta"