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Joke of the Day

"A man has an accident at the factory where he works... He calls his wife and says ""Meet me at the hospital! I just cut off my finger!"" Wife says ""The whole finger?!?"" He says ""No, the one next to it"""

"Apparently the USA is the biggest contributor to noise pollution in the world My solution: put a silencer in every school"

"I should start a sandwich shop that only sells flatbreads. You'd be able to select your own fillings. I'll call it ""Pita this, pita that"""

"Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, ""If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."""

"What did the Mexican sing to his cheating girlfriend? I know I'm not the only Juan "

"I just want to wear futuristic clothes & run up to people, ask them what year it is and the date and run away screaming ""There's still time"""

"NBC TV is planning a new series, ""Airline Tragedies"" They are putting together the pilot right now."

"A wig walks into a bar. A wig walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint. Bartender replies ""No way man!"" Wig ""Why not?"" Bartender ""Have you seen yourself? You're off your head!"" ;D"

"I got my friend a house warming present I got him a bag of logs for his wood burner"

"[ocean's 11 music] So here's the plan,we iron me flat, then slide me into an ATM via the card slot. Once inside, it's a cash playground boys"