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Joke of the Day
"Jokes about women aren't funny... Period."
Next Joke
"I thought I pocket dialed you... But it was just a clothes call."
"If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler"
"Ever notice it's only ""stalking"" if the person doing the stalking is unattractive."
"Why doesn't the queen's farts smell? Because it's a noble gas."
"Two things you need to know about me: 1. I am hung over. 2. Sometimes I say the word over for no reason."
"I realized today that my bed sheets are covered in layers of dead skin cells. It's okay though, I'm comfortable in my own skin."
"What did the zero say to the eight? ""Nice belt, fuckface."""
"I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook... They wanted books but instead they got magazines"
"What do you call a penis potato? A dictator!"