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Joke of the Day

"I once knew a girl called Inertia.... ....but I could never get her going!"

"Well, it's Inauguration Day in America.... It's gonna be a great mourning."

"How do you prepare corn like Sean Connery? Shuck it long, and shuck it hard."

"A pine tree planted in 2004 in memory of former Beatle George Harrison in a Los Angeles park has died after being infested by beetles."

"What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill."

"WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula."

"I've been hearing a lot about mass murderers lately.... It must be a scary time to be catholic."

"Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They're all to busy beating the room for being black!"

"Satoru Iwata is in a much better place... ... he's with Nintendo."