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Joke of the Day

"[on a business trip to South Carolina] Nice to meet you. I'm from Philadelphia. ""Welcome to the United States."""

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? You breathe through *that*?"

"What do you call it when Einstein faps? A stroke of genius."

"Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!! And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on ""COPS"""

"What's the difference between an angry man and a gay arab? An angry man shakes a fist..."

"If a boy has 69 candies and eats 42 of them, what will he have? Diabetes. ^^Or ^^cavities."

"The difference between Jazz Hands and Blues Hands... The number of fingers and where you tell people to put them."

"What's the opposite of quantum physics? Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference)."

"Harry Potter: A Shortened Version Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter. Everyone else: Lol, no."

"*20-something kangaroo calling mom* yea so i thought maybe i could get back in the pouchlike just for a few months til i figure things out"