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Joke of the Day

"This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship."

"Why did the robber take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway."

"Life without geometry... is pointless"

"I asked my girlfriend if she could wake me up with oral sex. I woke up to her sitting on my face."

"What is grey and comes in quarts? An elephant"

"I overheard a dad at Starbucks tell a kid not to tell Mom he got a cake pop for breakfast, so I guess I'm part of their web of lies now too."

"Jesus walks into a hotel Lays a handful of nails on the counter and asks the attenant ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"How does Soylent Green taste? It varies from person to person."

"I like my women how I like my coffee... Bought online."

"An old lady standing in line at a bank machine asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over."