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Joke of the Day

"I dated an English teacher for a few months, but it didn't work out. She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon."

"My father's such a condescending man ... Since he died he's always looked down on me."

"You know you're an ugly c*nt when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera."

"A lady never reveals her penis"

"If I don't wake up with Britney Spears' body circa ""I'm a Slave 4 U"" and a rich handsome boyfriend then I KNOW Santa's not real."

"The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're hoping Trump isn't"

"Why did Katie Holmes get rid of her fancy car? She got tired of all that Cruise control."

"I'm starting to think that the gym isn't really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later."

"What did the bacon say to the sandwich? This club can't even handle me right now"

"What came first? The chicken, the egg or millions of years of evolution that are ignored by a stupid fucking idiom."