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Joke of the Day

"*Opening presents 1986: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow! 2016: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow!"

"Why does everybody hate tampons? They're stuck up bitches."

"The Names of Politicians Bush... Dick... Boehner... Weiner... And they say politicians sometimes win via *name recognition*."

"I periodically tell chemistry jokes But usually there is no reaction. Probably people are just too noble."

"I remember watching this excellent porno back in 2002 so I tried to find it on the internet. In hindsight, typing ""14 year old porn"" into Google probably wasn't my smartest idea"

"For sale: car. Does not stop. You will have to jump in as I jump out. I have been driving this car for three years. Please help me"

"Did you hear about the man who had purple paint thrown all over him? He was violeted"

"Email subject line: ""Your invited."" Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e."

"I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words. ""Violent when disappointed,"" I replied. I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday."

"What do you call a patella that sleeps around too much? Whore knee"