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Joke of the Day

"I signed up today for a college American Fiction Literature class, apparently it was a really popular class. It was LIT AF"

"I like my women the way I like my milk... Four months old and smelling like fish."

"Before I die, I'm putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames. My grand children will be so pwned."

"What's the most common blood type among drummers? Heroin."

"Ready, Set, Go... Did you hear about the muslim who was shot by a starting pistol? It was race related."

"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."

"A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, ""I don't know. It all happened so fast."""

"My boss always calls me Sweetypie when he wants me to get him coffee..I estimate he's swallowed a bucket of my spit in the last 4 years.."

"Keystroke... not as sexy as it sounds"

"Got thrown out of the theater during the Superman movie but was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses."