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Joke of the Day

"I was sitting next to a woman on a flight and asked her... >Does the airline company charge you for flying next to good looking men? She responded with >Yes, but this time I decided not to pay"

"I invited a friend to go hunt some gods with me... But he just can't deicide."

" My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said *""what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?""*"

"I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him."

"*Breaks glass to steal Mona Lisa* You crazy? Security will hear us Security: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? NOTHING Security: ALRIGHT"

"What do the Welsh call a sheep when it's tied to a lamp post? The leisure centre."

"People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?"

"99% of my socks are single. You don't see them crying about it."

"Did you know Hellen Keller had a treehouse? Neither did Hellen Keller."

"What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch? Namaste"