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Joke of the Day

"A doctor amputated a hand on a patient and the doctor said to the patient ""on the other hand... you aren't disabled"""

"Me: Here you go. Her: WTF? Me: It's the genital mold you wanted. Her: I said gelatin mold! Me: *waddles away with pants around ankles*"

"What do you can an African-American that has growing pains in its leg? A knee-grow"

"I've never used the dust pan I once bought... It's been collecting dust in the closet for years."

"I like my women like I like my weather. 60 and dry."

"No more ""if you're bf stops playing his game to text you..."" If your girlfriend understands to give texting a rest when you're playing video games, marry her."

"Lorax: I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees! They have a crush on you Brad! Trees: What? We did not say that! Tell Brad we didn't say that!"

"Life without love is pointless.... Love without life is necrophilia"

"My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions."

"The doctor gave me 1 month to live So I shot him. The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved."