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Joke of the Day

"Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be."

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"What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescendant con descending."
"1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait"
"HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA GET YOUR VACCINE AT WALGREENS TODAY"
"My mind and my body are starting to strongly disagree about how old I am."
"Teenager is on the verge of comiting suicide, calls the Suicide Line for help... Cops show up to help. They kill him so he doesn't commit suicide."
"""How about a scarf?"" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day."
"I'm not a beach, but shore. Cheesy and overused, but always makes me laugh."
"How does Jesus like his hotwings? Tinder and Mild."
"You look dirty, so does your toaster maybe you should both go for a bath... I'll draw it"
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