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Joke of the Day

"I was arrested at a New Year's party last night I'm sorry, but when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your fight or flight instincts kick in..."

"wife: What would you do if 9 told you he was gay? me [looking for the remote] Ask him if he's seen the remote"

"What do you call a dog that can preform magic? A Labracadabra."

"When people ask ""what do you do"" I try to seem normal by saying things like ""Walk with my feet. Use water. See things that are there."""

"What is Harrison Ford called when he smokes weed? Han So-high."

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance Saturday, Sunday"

"Has anyone here ever tried Ethiopian food? They haven't either."

"A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room."

"What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce? A seizure salad."

"How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can't even make her a mix tape anymore?"