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Joke of the Day

"A nihilist was robbed at gunpoint. Nothing of value was stolen."

"Well, well, well if it isn't the 5 lbs I thought I lost."

"I accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. Now I'm taking this shit to the next level."

"I opened my fortune-cookie. There was nothing inside. Does that mean i have no future?"

"I've got the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo."

"Your only chance of getting laid... is to crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"How do you make a whore shut up? Tell her to put a cock in it"

"People ask me why I don't have any tattoos. I tell em "" would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?"

"Why even ask how my weekend was if you're just going to interrupt me halfway through to say, ""Yeah, I saw your Facebook post."""

"The junkie tried but couldn't quit All of his efforts were in vein"