157134

Joke of the Day

"Do you know what a 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period."

"Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me."

"No matter how many times he was killed by their products, Wile E Coyote remained loyal to the ACME brand. You've gotta respect that."

"I hate when my wife says ""GO WAIT IN THE CAR"" because I'm not sure if she's talking to me or the kids."

"Thanks for increasing the value of my asset over time. I really appreciate it."

"What's the difference between Texas and stupid? Nothing."

"I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it"

"My friend asked me how it felt to be able to say that i was married I said that ""It has a nice ring to it"""

"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade."

"Why are ducks always sad? Because of their bills"