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Joke of the Day

"""Daddy, why do dogs need whiskers?"" -my 7-year-old son, while discreetly holding scissors in one hand and dog whiskers in the other"

"The difference between ""like"" ""love"" and ""in love"" is the same as the difference between ""for now"" ""for a while"" and ""forever"""

"I had a job interview today, the interviewer asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. Luckily, I have 2020 vision."

"Apple made a bomb It was called the iED"

"My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think."

"What's the hottest thing in China right now? A Tibetan monk on fire."

"if u watch thamksgiving backwards its about a angry family yeling at each other then the uncle says something racist and everyone calms down"

"Save your suggestions for the Krispy Kreme complaint box you retarded blob of cellulite."

"What's a man idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum."

"""Give it to me"", she screamed ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now"" ""Fuck off"", I said ""this is my umbrella"""