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Joke of the Day

"They finally created a documentary about clocks. It's about time."

"TOP PLACES TO DO KARATE IN FRONT OF: 1. Sunset 2. Crashing waves 3. Dad's grave (as casket is lowered) 4. New stepdad's face 5. Quiznos"

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes? Pricks are on the outside of the porcupine."

"I couldn't believe it when my mother said she liked The Monkees more than The Beatles. Then I saw her face."

"Getting white carpet installed, then inviting everyone over for a spaghetti sauce and red wine party."

"What do you call a pimp with his whores? A guard and hoes."

"I'm a little surprised team USA can't find a goalie fat enough to block the entire net."

"I had a dream about you saving my life! A poison snake bit my dick..."

"The people on the internet are so friendly.... One guy called me bro, and he even said my story was cool."

"Why can't puns be explained to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things literally"