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Joke of the Day

"""You're prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!"" TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant. *spits in his pumpkin pie"

"Do you have hair around your nipples? Is it particularly in the hair-eola? ... I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle."

"Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman."

"When I see my cat watching out the window, fascinated, I sit beside her and say, 'Look, Simba. Everything the light touches is our kingdom.'"

"Q: Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum? A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences."

"How do Australians ask their friends to pass the Coffee Mate :("

"The worst thing about browsing reddit is [removed]"

"What has 9 arms and sucks? Led Zeppelin"

"What's the difference between an old Greyhound station and a lobster with a double D bra size? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station."

"Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking ""Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"""