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Joke of the Day

"So... I want Ebola cereal... "

"I think my girlfriend has a trigonometry fetish because every time I talk to her she gets off on a tangent."

"I'm not a competitive person I'll be the first to admit it."

"Q: Why did the bald man draw rabbits on his head? A: Because from a distance they looked like hares."

"What is blurrier the more you squint? Everything."

"The best part about being a comma is that you're usually followed by a nice big BUT."

"the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now"

"I like women like i like my pizza Crusty with lots of cheese."

"What Do you Call Neil Degrasse Tyson when he pours champagne on his bare chest? **An astro-fizzy-tits**"

"I was in a bank yesterday and all the money just floated out the door by itself. It was a polterheist."