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Joke of the Day

"A drunk sits down in the taxi... Taxi driver: ""Where to?"" ""Home"" ""Ehh... could you be more specific?"" ""The living room"""

"People call me ""big"", ""dumb"", and ""stupid"", which confuses me because I'm actually not very big"

"*eats whole carrot cake* *waits for eyesight to improve*"

"[magic show] MAGICIAN {fanning out deck of cards}: Pick a card, any card... ME: Your VISA card MAGICIAN: God dammit!"

"Ted: ""Dad, why don't I have a middle name?"" Dad: ""Actually son, Ted is your middle name. Your first name is Adop"""

"Specimen: An Italian astronaut"

"I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn't be allowed to leave Wal Mart."

"You call me a whore? All I have to say is that my legs are as open as Walmart at midnight"

"I was addicted to porn... ...but then I beat it."

"What's in common between a sprinkler and the answer i got if she wanted anal? Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk"