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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to a psychiatrist... ...and he's holding a duck by the belly. The psychiatrist asks, ""Can I help you?"" The guy responds, ""Idunno. I've just been feeling down."""

"Sure, I'll spend $5 on a cup of coffee, but I draw the line at paying 44c to have someone travel 3000 miles to hand deliver a letter for me."

"What's the difference between a stingy neighbor and a cheap prostitute? One nickels and dimes you for screws while the other screws you for nickels and dimes."

"""Black Lives Don't Matter,"" Said the nihilist."

"Rupert Grint bursts into the room, ""Mum, I just got a part in the Harry Potter movie!"" ""Serious?"" ""No, Ron."""

"The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. At least that's what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene."

"My SO started smoking last night So I slowed down and applied some lube."

"One from the 1970's . . . What's uptight, outta sight and in the groove? A tampon."

"How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra? She pulled some strings."

"What's the difference between a pot head and a person who physically abuses children? One is good at rolling blunts, the other is good at bowling runts."