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Joke of the Day

"In 2050 old men will say bae'"

"Day 218 of making fun of CrossFit."

"Took a while, but I finally found the perfect background pic to update my desktop with. So yeah, totally carpe'd the shit out of this diem."

"4: Let's hunt turkeys, Daddy. Me: How do we do that? 4: Put up a big sign that says, ""Come here, Turkeys!"" I might be raising Elmer Fudd."

"I bet a girl that I could touch her boobs without touching her for $5. Paid her the $5 after I touched her boobs."

"A group of crows framed my friend, ultimately leading to his death I swear I'll find the murder who criminalized him!"

"Why are gay men so good at holding their breath? There isnt a lot of air in a closet"

"I'm so tired I could sleep on a horse"

"The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust."

"""I love you. I love you. Pay attention to me. I love you. Ok I'm fed now. I HATE YOU DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"" - Cats"