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Joke of the Day

"[museum tour in the future] Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online"

"What does a violin player use as birth control? Their personality"

"Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to ""make elephant! Now teapot!"" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball."

"I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn't even know I was driving."

"What part does Woody Harrelson want to be remembered for most? Harrelson's woodie."

"So Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby and Bill Nye all walk into a bar... They all finish their drinks and Nye says to the lady behind the bar I'll cover the tab these two will give you their tips."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee *before* it was cool. :-)"

"I put my earbuds on just like everybody else. Frantically as someone approaches."

"What do you call a paper car? A paper-machacedes"

"My girlfriend said to me ""as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you"" and I said ""let's make one thing absolutely clear..."" ""My mother was never a young boy."" Tim Vine"