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Joke of the Day
"His wife caught him trying on a white and gold dress... ""it's not what it looks like"", said he"
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"Can you spell jealousy with two letters? NV (envy)."
"Automatic doors don't work when running full speed. I know that now."
"How cute! Someone wrote ""will you go to prom with me?"" on my car. But they spelled it ""I'm gonna kill you scumbag!"". Ah, young love."
"My resolution? To eat like a normal person, as opposed to my old habit of hate-fucking my mouth with a fork."
"So a guy comes into my bar for a beer... I give it to him and he says, ""Hey! There's a fly in this!"" Embarrassed I look and say, ""Oh no, that's just Gnatty Lite."""
"Helen Keller walks into a bar Then a table, then a stool..."
"When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?"
"*filming the Buick commercial with Matthew McConaughey* ""the leather keeps sticking to my back"" ""for the last time Matt keep ur shirt on"""
"Survival tip: If a clown starts making a balloon chainsaw, run like hell."