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Joke of the Day
"[NSFW] Why don't pedophiles ever win races? They're always coming in a little behind."
Next Joke
"I went as a congressional bill for Halloween.... I stayed in the House and didn't do anything."
"My grandpa is just like a plant. If you don't feed him, he'll die. Plus, he's super quiet when he's in the room watching you have sex."
"If you say Donald Trump 3 times at night in front of a mirror, you will get deported..."
"The Ravens could have beat the Bengals . . . in an elevator."
"I keep burning food with my Presidential Debate microwave... I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time."
"It sucks when someone cuts you off in traffic and you have to catch up to them & throw a perfectly good cup of coffee at their windshield."
"Who never wants to be drawn at a raffle? Mohammed"
"Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse."
"*interrupts your heartfelt story* Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say ""dying wish"" again! Ok now say ""coffee""!"