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Joke of the Day

"furniture disease i just got home from the doctor's and i have really bad news. turns out i have the furniture disease. its where your chest hangs down past your drawers"

Next Joke
 
"Q. What is the color of the wind? A. Blew."
"Autocorrect just changed faux pas to faux pasta and this gluten war has gotten out of hand."
"26 letters, minus the U. What do you get? A solipsistic Alphabet."
"Some bastard stole my penis warmer off the washing line last night... I'm not bothered about the penis warmer, I would just like the 30 pegs back."
"If you cant beat'em, join'em! Then kill them while they're sleeping."
"ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight? HER: no not yet!! i'm totally free and available ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do"
"Ever hear about the Jesus Bomb? Red bull and merlot"
"I just started Caitlyn Jenner's new diet plan. Its a lot like the Atkins diet except it is all transfats."
"What do you call a short sleeved British shirt? A tea-shirt. Please don't hurt me."