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Joke of the Day

"I just deleted the same tweet twice for two different typos and now I can't tweet it again because it's already been stolen"

"Mannequin challenge but me just standing in the kitchen, in the dark, holding the ice cream container as my wife walks by unaware."

"Deja Moo I feel like I've heard this bull before..."

"A Clinton presidency is like an iPhone 7. I really don't want an iPhone 7, but I'll probably end up with one anyway."

"So I heard they're demolishing Hitlers house Anne Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't do it already. I hope they step on the gas and burn the place down."

"Wife: Are you drunk? Me: I know this is a trick question so I'm going with no. Why? W: Because you're naked on the neighbors porch. M:..."

"Do you know how a suicide wank works? You just shoot yourself in the face!"

"The entire plot of spiderman A teenage boy finds out he can shoot white stuff out his body"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? (snicker) *You don't know?*"

"I've been taking something for my Kleptomania. I've been taking something for my Kleptomania"