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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it didn't want to get stuck in any cracks."

"Sponsor a Child I was thinking of sponsoring a child in Africa. But him being so far away, how could I be sure he actually completed the Fun Run?"

"i imagine my dog spends a lot of time thinking about how tall i am and how great it is to have a giant as a best friend who can reach treats"

"Composed a mixtake with a few bars of silence in the woods. Call it a four rest fire."

"Trying to impress a girl who loves jokes about dead hookers. Give me ur best."

"Wow, if Justin Bieber trends this much without dying, imagine how much he'll trend when he OD's on puberty. #careerdeath"

"So how does this work now? Does General McChrystal have to give up his Foursquare ""Mayor specials"" in Kandahar?"

"Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little? ""Yeah, but it didn't taste very good."" She smiled and nodded, ""I know, it taste like dog food."" *A recent conversation I had with my daughter*"

"Best pick up line I've ever heard Would you mind holding my beer while I go take a shit? ....If she is still standing there. She's a keeper!"

"Me and my wife were happy for 20 years... ...then we met each other"