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Joke of the Day

"""I'm gonna get a tattoo that says 'Helvetica', written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her."""

"Gay guys in wheelchairs are like tomatoes. Are they a fruit, or are they a vegetable?"

"For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo. That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself."

"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"

"How much did King Kong get paid for his latest movie? A gorillian dollars"

"Alcohol: Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so."

"I was thrilled when this beautiful girl came up and asked me for a date. Then I realised it was just because I work at a dried fruit stand."

"I feel like Mammorial Day would be a much less somber day. In fact, it would probably be the breast holiday of the year."

"What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined? The Beatless"

"Why did one european country eat the other? Because it was Hungary"