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Joke of the Day

"Next time I cut out eyes in a painting to watch people from behind the wall, I'll use a portrait instead of a landscape."

"I always carry a flashlight with me. That way, if someone locks me in their car trunk, I can entertain myself with cool shadow puppets."

"My kids in public are direct payback for every time I shriek'd PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN at my mom in the middle of a crowded mall as a kid."

"What is the hardest part about sleeping with twenty one year olds? There is twenty of them"

"I'm scared of lifts Guess I have to take steps to avoid them"

"What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking. JK ROLLING"

"Did you hear about the convicted grammar Nazi? He was *sentenced* to death"

"If a threesome is with 3 people... If a threesome is with 3 people and a foursome is with 4 people I can see why they call you handsome."

"This could be the LSD talking, but I'm pretty sure I'd be more comfortable riding on the roof of the car."

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world Those who know this joke and thought it was a repost. And those who don't know the joke and are confused right now"