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Joke of the Day

"My 17yo pretends he doesn't understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you're finally a man"

"The most important organ I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that."

"Passengers clapping when my plane lands makes me almost wish we had crashed."

"My Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost. ""Two quid for a cup of tea?!""... I said, ""Well you just popped round, I didn't invite you!"""

"A man went to the doctors... He said ""Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains"" The doctor had him sectioned and detained under the Mental Health Act"

"Pirate ship Why did the pirate carve a topless mermaid into the front of his ship? Yar, cause wouldn't it be loverly"

"What do two Wrights make? A plane"

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's dick..."

"Two antennas met on a rooftop... ...they fell in love and got married. I heard the ceremony was pretty average... but the reception was excellent!"

"Next year I'll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights... It's going to be Excel Lent"