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Joke of the Day

"what did mick jagger say when he caught hugh hefner and dennis weaver in the bedroom together? hey, hugh, get off of mccloud."

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

"I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog. The dog gets it."

"Mark Zuckerberg screwed over his class mates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on the new Timeline layout?"

"Jamie on FB just took a quiz to find out what type of flower she is. She's a vibrant poppy. Weird, all this time I thought she was human."

"Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud."

"My wife tied me up before sex last night She then rolled over and went to sleep."

"No internet for 11 hours. I've written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce ""gif."""

"Three monkeys walk into a bar... I forgot the rest, but your mom's a whore."

"Someone asked Russell Wilson if he wanted to win the Super Bowl. He said he would pass."