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Joke of the Day

"The bad news is I don't know what I'm doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap."

"*walks into convenience store* ""Excuse me, do you sell beef jerky"" No sorry we only carry beef friendly *beef sticks start complimenting me*"

"Does a cow have the Buddha-nature? Mu."

"My friends always say that I have narcissistic tendencies. I should get mad... ...but I love when they talk about me."

"How does a bull stay warm on a bitterly cold day in January? He goes into the barn and slips into a warm Jersey."

"Did you know that Stalin suffered from bulimia? He didn't binge, though, he just purged."

"New law restricts lobbyists to the lobby. Citizen victory! Writing laws a bit less convenient! The lobby lobby, however, has won the day."

"What do mathematicians think about exponential functions? They're radical."

"Donald Trump's first act in office will probably be to illegalize all shredded cheese. He will Make America Grate Again."

"I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting ""wrong hole!!"" at inappropriate times, like when you're eating."